Coming Home

Early in my journey of unlearning neuro-performance, I was processing feelings of extreme isolation brought on by many years of masking and experiencing the world so differently to societal expectations. Coming Home is an expression of loneliness and the pain of contortion, but also a journey to self love and creativity.

—

Coming Home

I don't want to be alone but I can only see, when it's only me

Can only feel when something is real, and true and plain and simple 

The nuance and shades of grey and light and peace 

Are only clear, when no one is near.

I don't want to be alone, I want to be known

But alone I can love the parts of me that haven't grown

Stifled by the pain of others who themselves are afraid to blame 

Their feelings of self hate on the system, we're in chains.

Tiny daggers keep you and me in agree and disagree

Prisons of binary.

I don't want to be alone but lonely is the me with you

When the performance of two 

Cuts off parts of me and parts of you too.

And when it's just me I'm not alone

Because with me, I've come home

To a love I've never known and the joy 

That fills me

When I am no longer ashamed, no longer full of hate

But full of endless space to create.

—

Poetry has always been a helpful outlet for me, I find catharsis in letting my pain stream onto the page. It is a form of communication that doesn’t require me to neuro-perform in order to make it come across a certain way, something I often do in spoken or written communication. I find, that through writing in verse, my pain can transform in a way I can’t fully access in prose. Often I am able to reach a shift, a sense of moving forwards, some peace. I am acting in alignment with my neuro-normal when I write poetry, so it really enables me to process and move through my challenges - as is true for many people when expressing themselves through art forms that come naturally to them.

Thank you for reading.

— AJ

Today’s Neuro-Embodiment Prompts:

Suggestions and questions to help you engage with mindbody decolonisation:

• What forms of expression, creativity and communication help you to access your neuro-normal? How often are you giving yourself that outlet? How can you bring more of it into your life?