Detangling Empathy And Compassion

Empathy and Compassion are different things. They are not synonyms, despite often being used interchangeably. There is fascinating work on this within neuroscience, notably the research of Dr Tania Singer, who first demonstrated that they take place in different parts of the brain and elicit different physiological responses and therefore different real life outcomes. Empathy can activate the same brain regions as physical pain, and compassion can activate our reward pathways - releasing ‘feel-good’ neurotransmitters such as dopamine. While many, sometimes prominent, ‘thought leaders’ invoke this difference in their work, there is often much missing from their analysis and sometimes vague, irresponsible and harmful intimations about how we should use this information (I’m looking at you, Adam Grant).

Empathy is ‘other’ focused, and this is not as helpful as it might seem. Focusing entirely on whomever you are ‘trying to help’ is how we end up with white saviourism, toxic self-sacrifice and traits of vulnerable narcissism. We need to include ourselves in the context of whatever we are doing so that we can reflect on and be accountable for our own needs and actions. I have witnessed those working in social justice be so ‘other’ focused that they are no longer self aware enough to show up without causing harm, something I know I have done myself. Colonial culture places a huge emphasis on ‘charity’ and ‘sacrifice’ rather than providing the basic human needs that keep us nourished and thriving, nor grounded, equitable encouragement to look after ourselves. It demonises true care for oneself as selfish while still encouraging a glamourised, bastardised version of self-care to make billions from a wellness industry built on the appropriation of ancient Indigenous practices while the true guardians of those practices are exploited and harmed.