My child is Indian. Her ancestry is South Asian. She is descended from ancient Dravidians. My child is European. Her ancestry is Scottish, Irish and Welsh. She is descended from Vikings. The tone of her skin means she will be racialised as white.

Babies have little melanin when they are born, that is why, no matter a child’s heritage, they are often paler at birth than they eventually will be. Maternal hormones also impact the appearance of hair colour at birth. Throughout the first 6-12 months of a child’s life their melanin production increases as they are exposed to sunlight and their environment. Skin, eye and hair colour can change during this time. Hair colour often doesn’t settle completely until about five years of age. Children get 50% of their DNA from each parent, and that can be any 50% of that parent’s DNA. So, for example, it is possible (unlikely, but possible), for a child of mine to inherit only South Asian DNA, or conversely, only European DNA. What is most likely is that they will inherit a mix of DNA from my heritages, and when paired with the European ancestry of my nesting partner, they are most likely to have a majority of European DNA. At 6 months old, it is clear that my firstborn is going to be racialised as white.

My child will tell us her true gender when she is ready, and we will respect whatever pronouns she adopts and any other aspects of gender that she wants to express. For the sake of this piece I will assume her to be cisgender. So the question becomes, how do I responsibly, lovingly, and decolonially raise a white woman?