I am just about getting from one hour to the next.
And yet I feel like a failure for not being able to produce content for you today.
I have tried, but the words won’t come. I am physically and spiritually exhausted by grief and parenting. I know that I am allowed to rest. But I somehow feel like I have reached my quota, that I have taken my allotted number of breaks from writing and that I am not deserving of anymore. I know this is internalised capitalism, and it is still a loud voice in my head.
I ask for your grace and patience. I hope to return to writing soon.
In the meantime, here is a photo that summarises how safe and loved I felt in my uncle’s presence.
Image description: A young man, Peter, sits in an armchair. He is racialised as white, with dark brown hair and light blue eyes. He is wearing a white shirt, with a navy striped tie and navy v-neck jumper. On his lap is AJ, they are about four years old. AJ has light brown skin and dark hair, they are wearing a blue outfit with black hearts on it and they have a paper hat from a Christmas cracker on their head. AJ is sound asleep, snuggled into the crook of Peter’s arm. Peter looks at the camera as if to say ‘what am I supposed to do now?’.
Wishing you rest, joy and a liberated mindbody.
—AJ
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