Stimming Isn't Always Observable

Like many things to do with being Autistic, unless it can be observed, recorded and analysed by someone who doesn’t identify as Autistic, it doesn’t make it into diagnostic criteria or mainstream literature.

The UK National Autistic Society website shares the following explanation: ‘Stimming or self-stimulating behaviour includes arm or hand-flapping, finger-flicking, rocking, jumping, spinning or twirling, head-banging and complex body movements.’

While stimming can indeed include all of these things, the list is not exhaustive, and it focuses on what is observable by non-Autistic people. Not all stims are observable, and some of us are repressing our observable stims in order to survive various situations and stages of life.

With all mindbody features, we should be focused on why something is happening, rather than what is happening. The obsession with the optics of something is part of the colonial need for control, compliance and order. We live in a reality where unexpected behaviours are often met with chastisement and violence rather than curiosity, and the severity of this response is often dependent on your skin colour. Our constructed reality is so consumed with ‘acting normal’ that there are entire organisations dedicated to how to stop people, particularly children, from stimming. We have all been raised to believe that unexpected or repetitive movement and behaviours are a problem. The reality is that stimming is usually a pleasurable, calming, regulating and soothing practice for the person doing it.

I don’t have many observable stims, and none of them particularly fit the stereotypical descriptions, but here are some of them; When I am listening to people and I’m standing up, I often sway from hip to hip. It helps me to listen and it feels better than standing still. If I am socially anxious, waving my hands in figure-eights can help to calm me down. I also do this thing where I wipe over the surface of each nail with my thumb and the surface of my thumb nail with my index finger, I do this a lot. I suspect I had more noticable stims as a child, that I began to hide when I realised people found them strange, or perhaps I was scolded, as a brown ‘girl’ child, into conformity. I danced at a stage school from about seven years old, and continued performing at school and then Uni, to about age 21. I think a lot of my need for physical stimming was expressed that way. My levels of anxiety increased in my 20s and I often wonder if this was exacerbated by the loss of dancing from my life. It is perfectly possible that one of the reasons I don’t have more observable stims, is the fact I have been neuro-performing for 30 years. Whether it was learned or natural, I internalised a lot of my stimming.

I am still discovering my non-observable stims - it is challenging because I don’t have a framework or reference point for many of them so it can take a lot of effort and self-reflection to identify them. Being in water is a form of stimming for me - whether the bath, a pool or the ocean. It dulls sensory input so it quietens my world. Recently I saw a post on LinkedIn from Jessica Dark ND where they described the way, when in a pool, they repeat the length number in their head as a form of stimming, and I had a beautiful moment of kinship and affirmation because I stim in this precise way. My favourite stim, not always available to me, is watching trees moving back and forth in the wind. It instantly calms me and I get consumed in the movement, it feels like the most peaceful place/space/time in the world.

Some of us only have observable stims. This is either because we are not able to mask - so we are always acting in alignment with our neuro-normal, or because we have been made to feel safe to act in alignment with our neuro-normal. Observable stims are more accepted for white, cis, boys and men- particularly those with wealth and power. They will be described as eccentric, charismatic, flamboyant. Whereas the same stims in brown-skinned people may be met with violence and imprisonment, and in AFAB people with behaviour-modifying discipline.

We all have behaviours, whether observable or not, that help us to regulate and relax. The reality we are reimagining will be one where it is safe for all people of all colours and genders to stim observably (Autistic or not!). It will also be one where we communicate openly and animatedly about non-observable stims, their variety, their nuance and their beauty.

— AJ

Today’s Neuro-Embodiment Prompts:

Suggestions and questions to help you engage with mindbody decolonisation:

• Regardless of whether you identify as Autistic or not, you have self-soothing behaviours or stims. Do you know what they are? How can you become more familiar with them?

• Do you have non-observable stims? When do they happen? What do they help you with?

• How do you react and respond to unpredictable behaviour in others? How can you bring more curiosity and compassion to those responses?

• How can you normalise your own stims as well as the practice of stimming in general?