The Child Is The Healer

I haven’t been inspired to write this week. I’ve been in a lot of emotional pain associated with trying for a baby, I’ve been non-speaking and in shutdown much of the time, and I haven’t felt remotely creative nor had the capacity to research topics I want to write about. I’ve thought about writing about my fertility journey as an Autistic ADHDer, and perhaps I will - but not today.

I considered pushing myself to work but quickly realised that this would be a colonised, neuro-performative approach. I have fear around changing the content and disappointing or losing readers (especially so early on), but this fear itself is rooted in colonised ideas of what success is. Success, on this journey of mindbody decolonisation, is each opportunity taken to act in alignment with my neuro-normal, and sharing that with a community who are seeking to do the same thing. So this week, I’m sharing that process with you, as well as a poem about mindbody reclamation from early on in my neuro-embodiment journey.

—

The Child is the Healer

Depathologise, I won't apologise

For my NT guise or my mask of lies

It kept me safe a while, through mimics and smiles

As I bent my boundaries and hid my style

But bent turned to break, hidden child still unspoken

The medical model can't undo what was broken

The child is the healer, go find them again

So queer and so dear, love them fiercely

And then

This Kali, this ND, won't infantilise me

Divine in their enby, they'll decolonise me.

—

I wrote this poem while I was grappling with being a late diagnosed Autistic (I wasn’t yet aware of my ADHD), realising I was not (only) a woman, and seeking greater connection to my Indian heritage. I found myself with a sense of the divinity and source of healing in all of us, if we can access who we were before we started bending, masking and conforming to colonial norms, constructs and expectations. In my case, I lost my neuro-normal to masking neurotypicality. I lost my gender to moulding to cisnormativity. And I lost my heritage to assimilation to whiteness. This poem marks a significant moment for me, when I was beginning to reclaim these aspects of myself.

Thank you for witnessing that moment.

— AJ

Today’s Neuro-Embodiment Prompts:

Suggestions and questions to help you engage with mindbody decolonisation:

• What needs to be flexible or different in your life this week in order to respect your neuro-normal? What fears do you have around giving yourself that flexibility? Are they rooted in colonised concepts of success or productivity?