We Need To Talk About Sometimes Being Non Speaking

I was non speaking for most of Tuesday. In fact, I felt non speaking all day.

What? What do you mean you felt non speaking? You’re either able to speak or you’re not, right?

Not always.

When I am non speaking, it means it is painful to speak. It hurts to move my thoughts into my vocal chords and to wrap my tongue around the consonants of each word and push them out of my mouth. The sound hurts my ears and I get a headache and feel sick and dizzy. It hurts vibrationally, like the pain reverberates around my body.

There are other Autistic folx who are always non speaking. There are some who never experience being non speaking. Some folx experience being situationally non speaking - perhaps in a social setting where they are expected to or feel pressure to neuro-perform, rather than act in alignment with their neuro-normal, they might experience being non speaking. I don’t use the term nonverbal, it means ‘without words’ - and many folx who do not use spoken language use other forms of communication such as sign, writing, gestures, body language, sounds, pictures. Some of these involve words, some don’t, but non speaking gives a specificity that is more accurate. Also, many folx equate nonverbal with ‘not understanding language’ and this is usually not the case, and for me it is too closely aligned with the thinking that gave us the ‘r’ word slur and all its ignorant, ableist and harmful assumptions.