'You're Probably The Least Autistic Person Here'

‘You’re probably the least Autistic person here.’

This was said to me by someone I had just met at a social event a couple of weeks ago.

We had been speaking for perhaps five minutes. I can’t remember why I mentioned that I was Autistic, but their response was jarring and sent me into a spiral of questions and rumination. What about me in that moment did they perceive to be ‘less Autistic’ than them? ‘Less Autistic’ than everyone else?

As a late diagnosed Autistic, I have been back and forth and back again through the cycle of ‘Am I making this all up?’. For years, I didn’t fit in. I didn’t feel like I was like everyone else, while trying so hard to be like everyone else, and like the version of me people wanted me to be. When I finally realised that I was different, that I hadn’t imagined it, it was a huge relief. But then, as I began to start honouring my neuro-normal, to start recognising when I was neuro-performing and actively moving away from it, another set of concerns set in. Was I really, actually, Autistic? Or was I just ‘a little bit Autistic?’. The phrase, ‘everyone is a little bit Autistic’ is often said to folx in response to disclosing their Autism, by folx who do not identify as Autistic. It is perfectly possible, that those who say this, are neuro-performing themselves and have not yet discovered their own neuro-normal, which may well be Autistic. However, this response undermines, minimises and dismisses the lived experience of those of us who know we are Autistic and are likely disclosing in order to access support needs, at a great risk to various aspects of our safety. If we actually lived in a reality that was built on the premise that ‘everyone is a little bit Autistic’, then we would have a hell of a lot less ableism and a great deal more of our support needs met. But to claim that we are all a bit Autistic while still denying us basic support needs, is infuriating and exhausting.